9:05 a.m. - 2008-06-24
Is anybody home?
Sometimes I get so fucking mad at myself, for stupid shit.
Like, I lied today. I lied a lot. But, this one thing, I really kicked myself after I had said it. It was one of those times, where I really really should have been honest.
I've been on this horrid downer of listening to a strange mix of Nirvana, Our Lady Peace and some other such. Well for some reason, its just put me in this... Mad head space. And not mad like, anger, but mad like, old school maddness. Words and thoughts are just water colour pools in the clouds and all I want is his lips on mine. And his laugh on my neck. The warmth of his arm against me. I miss that.
Its just something to do with this time of year. Its why I hate it.
Oh how I miss riding around in that old beat up pick up. As old as me.
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Its just a diffrent colour now.
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I tried to hide it, I got make up. I'm not sure it works. Just takes the red out.
The scars are still there. And thats how I want it. Most people dont understand that.
Its so I dont forget.
Its about being strong.
Its about not letting them
be the ones to make my skin bleed.
I do it.
Contol.
